health helplines-爆笑!

Q: Doctor, I've heard that  cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this  true?
A: Your  heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it...  don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out  eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you  live longer; that's like saying you can extend  the life of  your car by  driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a  nap..

Q: Should  I cut  down on meat and eat more fruits and  vegetables?
A: You  must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat?  Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak  is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of  delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat  chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass  (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you  100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable  products.

Q: Should  I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No,  not at all. Wine is made from  fruit. Brandy is  distilled wine, that means they take the water out of  the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that  way. Beer is also made out  of grain. Bottoms  up!

Q: How  can I calculate my body/fat  ratio?
A: Well,  if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one  to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to  one, etc.

Q: What  are some of the advantages of participating in a regular  exercise program?
A: Can't  think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No  Pain...Good!

Q: Aren't  fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU'RE  NOT LISTENING!!! .....  Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact,  they're permeated in it. How could getting more  vegetables be bad for  you?

Q: Will  sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft  around themiddle?
A: Definitely  not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You  should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger  stomach.

Q: Is  chocolate bad for me?
A: Are  you crazy? HELLO Cocoa  beans ! Another vegetable!!! It's the best feel-good  food around!

Q: Is  swimming good for your figure?
A: If  swimming is good for  your figure,  explain whales to  me.

Q: Is getting  in-shape important for my  lifestyle?
A: Hey!  'Round' is a shape!