By Bill Simmons
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看到右手边YouTube的视频了么？[youtube]h7Lm7C9Nk&hl[/youtube]
我的一个朋友星期一给了我这个链接。这是John Tesh 1997年在Catalina Island 的表演，他穿的像游轮上的服务生而且看起来像画过妆的James Van Der Beek。这个视频的一开始，Tesh 正对着听众们侃侃而谈，接着放了一段他保存的曾经留给自己的留言...（等等，等等）...那可是一段"NBA on NBC"主题曲的最初节奏。我以为这时候他要做出一些出人意料之举了，这对他来说可一点都不奇怪，不过，他又开始摆出游轮上的服务生状。我原以为视频就到此结束了，但是没有!在1：15处，Tesh开始对着空气做出拍球的动作并且带动观众们鼓掌一起打节奏——是的没错，对着空气拍球——接着他跃上了真正的钢琴，开始与25人的管弦乐队合作弹奏出那熟悉的"NBA"之歌。
Luol Deng:
状态回升。我最近私下联系了公牛队吃惊地得知他们居然没有哪怕半点行动尝试交易。在所有近期的教练任命里面 (Terry Porter, P.J. Carlesimo, Michael Curry, Sam Vincent, Reggie Theus, Marc Iavaroni)，可笑的是Vinny Del Negro是目前为止最糟糕的。个人认为坐在公牛替补席后面都是一种折磨；据我所知一位读者曾经将Vinny的执教与一个人第一次拿枪相提并论。而事实上，这更像是看着一个老人在机场正准备过金属安检门。在战战兢兢，反反复复之后通过后环顾四周。拿他来取笑我都不好意思，那咱们还是继续吧。
NBA 交易检查器
Larry Hughes 去华盛顿？Amare Stoudemire 去波特兰？
通过NBA交易检查器来实现它们吧
• NBA 交易检查器
• Listranker: 看看SportsNation 的投票是如何看待Bill选出的前40名？ J.J. Hickson:
我最喜欢的没太受到关注的新秀，要是他成为2009季后赛X因素我一点不意外。如果他现在在湖人打球，那么洛杉矶的球迷早就开始把他跟年轻时候的Karl Malone相比较了。
Paul Millsap:
如果不是因为他的超级便宜合同即将到期，他可能会进入前30名，他也成为了“交易价值DNP”因为他夏天铁定会成为自由人。让我们来猜猜他夏天会得到什么样的合同。“4年，$3200w”会很好....“5年，$6000w”就算了....
Jason Thompson:
我在选秀当天便嘲笑了他，而他用良好表现给了我有力的回击。野兽派风格，优秀的防守，有很多值得喜欢的地方。要知道，如果不是Michael Beasley 太令人失望简直就是个赝品，2008届新秀可以在最好的年份中占有一席之地（而且明显强过大肆吹嘘的'07届）。也许不会像'84或者98'届出现那么多未来名人堂成员，不过这份名单中位于“未来的固定首发”和“多届全明星”之间范围的球员会有很多。这么说吧，这届选秀好到，可怜的Alexis Ajinca就像 Dan Aykroyd 当年在“We Are The World”中的角色一样微乎其微。Alexis Ajinca真应该把他的球衣号码改成32号，我们就可以叫他“32A”了，这样每当我想起最糟糕的Bra尺码，就会想到他。
Jeff Green:
乐于与队友配合，作风顽强，做你需要的一切，这跟Beasley完全相反。让我吃惊的是这支新球队成为了除波士顿以外我最爱的一支，我爱Durant-Green-Westbrook的组合，我爱Scotty Brooks （谁知道他是谁？），我爱他们的团队精神，我爱他们的打球方式（坚决打反击，正是公牛应该采取的战术）。这一切没有发生在西雅图真是对他们的残忍和不公平。
B.S. 报告
每年，在他最终完成这个“交易价值”专栏之前，Bill都会跟他的朋友Joe House讨论这些球员们
让我们来听听看吧
Bill's podcast. Eric Gordon:
每个快船球迷都觉得Gordon就是那坏孩子中的一根红苗，潜力无穷，但他们的父母（这里指Donald Sterling 和 Mike Dunleavy）还是很有可能把他的一切搞砸。而事实上，他也正在往这条路上走。女士们先生们，这，就是快船！
Kevin Love:
Bill Laimbeer 2.0传球加强版，脾气也不像眼镜蛇一样暴躁。这个国家可真有意思，在这里Love最好的新秀卡（Upper Deck's '09 SPX set）只有Beasley一张卡的8分之一。现在，热队会提议用Beasley来交换Love，而森林狼则可以按兵不动高高挂起。爱怎样怎样。
Russell Westbrook:
现阶段的新秀MVP，他能做的事情非常多，不过公平的说他做不好的也不少...然而，他依然会在最后打动你。我喜欢他。我不是一个纯正的控球后卫，这我们早就知道。我可以做“他到底是不是5号位”委员会了，我手头就有那么几个得分后卫充当控球后卫的例子。 Jameer Nelson: 删去他是最困难的决定。由于有着一分优质合同（5年，$3300w），如果没有受伤他将会轻松进入榜单
好了，让我们进入top40吧。在我们没有开始之前，请允许我也假装弹一下空气中的钢琴吧。
(按下我的手指并带着演奏钢琴的情绪)
(继续.)
(继续.)
(你生气了么？你感觉到了么？感觉到了没有？)
最佳合同
NBA非新秀最具吸引力合同前16名：
16. Carl Landry, three years, $9m
15. Jameer Nelson, five years, $33.6m
14. John Salmons, three years, $16.3m
13. Travis Outlaw, two years, $8m
12. Kendrick Perkins, three years, $12.8m
11. Udonis Haslem, two years, $13.7m
10. Marcus Camby, two years, $15.6-$20m
9. Roger Mason, two years, $7.3m
8. Ron Artest: one year, $8.45m
7. Mehmet Okur, one year, $8.5m
6. Luis Scola, two years, $6.5m
5. Caron Butler, three years, $30.3m
4. Devin Harris, four years, $36m
3. Manu Ginobili, two years, $20.6m
2. David West, three years, $27.2m
1. Hedo Turkoglu, one year, $6.84m
好吧，让我们进入正题吧...
38. Devin Harris
嘿，TNT，这是一份“Harris在2009全明星赛中每次得分后将镜头对准的人”名单（顺序按照可笑程度降序排列）：Mark Cuban, Jason Kidd, Ric Bucher, Avery Johnson, Dirk Nowitzki, Mark Cuban 第二次, Marc Stein, Dikembe Mutombo, "Trust Me"剧集明星们， Mark Cuban 第三次, Holly Hunter, Marc Stein 第二次, Matthew Lillard, John Havlicek.
37. Andris Biedrins
从我的喜好出发Don Nelson最近对他的兜售貌似有些过于积极。他真的搞清楚了Biedrins 直到4月23日才满23岁么？（Yi Jianlian则相反，他将要33岁了？）这仍然是最有可能交易Amare的方案，如果Biedrins的基年合约没有搞砸任何交易的话。所以Amare，你不是不爱防守么？这可是个好消息！你跟我们剩下来的几个先发都有着一样的想法！这让我想到...
Wendi Kaminski/NBAE/Getty Images
Lee's low salary means he will basically hustle for food. 35. David Lee
最新一位丹-跟着我捞大合同没错的-东尼体系的受益者在新年以后的平均数据是20-13，56%的投篮命中率。不错，他在防守端有些差劲...但是我们对这个本赛季薪水只有$176w，下赛季是$268w的球员还要这么吹毛求疵么？尼克斯用来解决性丑闻控诉的钱都是这些的三倍。（严肃些，他们真的做了。这不是开玩笑。）另外，他是仅有的两个进入top40名单的美国本土白人球员之一。
34. Brook Lopez
接下来我们看另外一个。Brook篮球生涯的经典镜头将会有，打进了NCAA八强，在NBA选秀大会上被选中，以及在两个月前的The Plaza Hotel取得对他弟弟的胜利，他们的比赛是“看谁能从超大号床上手拿冰淇淋圣代跳得更高”
32. Al Horford
31. LaMarcus Aldridge
优秀球队的优秀前锋，年轻，优质合同。不过年轻可真不好说。就好像年轻时候的Amare Stoudemire 被预言将马上成为第二个Moses Malone...
Group H: "你真的很过分，不过我有在听"
30. Kevin Martin
在你不知道新年过后他的场均得分是27分，三分球命中率是46%之前，这个名次好像有点高。你打算立刻向Maloofs打听他了？如果我是火箭队的Daryl Morey ，在全明星期间，我会跟Maloofs一直喝到星期天凌晨3点，然后提出用 T-Mac和一个首轮选秀权去交换Martin和Kenny Thomas 2010年的到期合同。不过，他在MIT上的大学——要不三杯即倒要不就是做个啥Luis Scola 直接换来Channing Frye的交易。这可真糟糕....
说到Kenny，有多少人看到了那有意思的一幕？尽管他的剩余合同让球队最近十年里的六年在经营上举步维艰，上个周末国王还是举行了C-Webb球衣退役仪式？。继续我们女朋友的例子，可怜的国王就像一个男人，他拥有一个完美体贴的女朋友五年...直到她的体重增加了30磅，还连累他染上性病（这里指的是，Kenny的垃圾合同）然后让他在2010年前都无法翻身。不过认真说，感谢C-Webb给我们留下的美好回忆！这的确是属于你的夜晚！
29. Caron Butler
跟Martin类似，都可以作为强队的完美拼图...而且说真的，像Tuff Juice （CB的绰号）这样的勇士本应该每年都参加季后赛。以下有三种可能：与火箭交易，用Butler 交换Luis Scola，Shane Battier和一个2011年首轮选秀权；Butler, Juan Dixon 和Darius Songaila的垃圾合同打包交换老鹰队的Marvin Williams, Claxton 的半垃圾合同, Acie Law 和一个未来选秀权；或者Butler 加上Etan Thomas的垃圾合同交换波特兰的Travis Outlaw, Raef LaFrentz的到期合同（你知道它就要到期了）和其带来的所有保险赔款。
（重要提示：我对于关于Butler的有逻辑的交易预测可能并不会实现，因为奇才的纱布管理层。如果你给ErnieGone@Hotmail.com发封邮件那么你很容易就将免费得到一件 "解雇 Ernie [Grunfeld]" 的T恤。我这不是瞎编。当一些球迷开始分发要求他们的GM辞职的T恤，你知道事情一定已经很糟糕了。）
[+] Enlarge
Scott Cunningham/NBAE/Getty Images
Josh's love affair with 3-pointers is pretty one-sided. 28. Josh Smith
在签下那份令人不安的5800万续约合同后，表现并没有人们预期般下滑严重……尽管如此，他依然是2009届“你Y到底凭什么出手三分”全明星队队长，本赛季出手三分54个丢掉41（24%命中率）而职业生涯的数据是438次出手投丢324（26%命中率）。不过无论如何，Josh都一定要把它们投丢就好像你在游乐场玩的1块钱投3把的投篮游戏。你将可能会赢得一个填充玩具！
27. David West
正如我们在这两年里一直讲的， 大本那种“先是被低估，然后在被越来越多的人吹捧后，又变得被高估”的循环，在west身上应验了：本不配进全明星的他，也去到了菲尼克斯。下一个低估/高估循环：Turkoglu 在今年夏天会有人签给他过高的四年$5000w合同，而且这将会成为一个笑柄。我希望是John Paxson，这样比较有喜剧效果。
25. Greg Oden
24. Andrew Bynum
专栏中最让我头疼的两个人。Oden本该在“Group I”如果我没有援引Darko/Dumars 典故的话：那便是，他的交易难度被人为增加只是因为他的GM不会承认自己的失误，“TMD $#%@我搞砸了选秀！”House和我在之前的podcast节目（ESPN一档BS和Joe House的脱口秀 the B.S. report）中讨论过这个问题，不过还是值得在这里重复一次：Oden 貌似没有超级中锋相。他在比赛中的确很强势——稳定的内线发挥，穿插着精彩时刻，能够抓下篮板，送出让观众惊呼的盖帽，不过最终还是有点难去想象他能够彻底地统治比赛。他所能做的到此为止了。这还没有考虑到如乌云一样笼罩着他的伤病问题，以及他在场下表现出来的木讷。不错的为人，令人垂涎的天赋，光明的前途...不过你想要打赌他会将这些占光么？如果我让你下$10,000赌“Oden职业生涯进入全明星次数：4.5 上盘/下盘”你会选择上盘还是下盘？如果是我的话，我选择下盘，这只是比较安全。而对于Bynum，我本打算把他放入Group E，如果不是Kobe故意无间将他队友的膝盖撞伤的话（这只是玩笑，湖蜜们。只是玩笑，说笑，冷静...）。不管怎样，波特兰2007选秀从两个方面看都不算太好（A）即使在自己所在的半区开拓者也没能拥有22岁以下最好的中锋，（B）我们距离在选秀中开拓者放弃的那个人还有足足四组位置。
Group F: "可以研究，但是你要保密"
23. Steve Nash
他就是NBA世界的 Jennifer Aniston ：一个被大家同情的明星并且想要一个孩子（或者对Nash来说，他想赢得总冠军），然而现在他却没有办法只有要考虑精子捐助（或者对于Nash来说，那就是一个让他感恩的交易把他送到好像波特兰那样更有机会的强队）。另外，Sarver在这里就好像Angelina Jolie ——他破坏了所有事情却不感到抱歉。Shaq的交易像极了Jennifer和John Mayer 浪费时间的约会——最终，那只是白白浪费了一年她的青春。Amare Stoudemire 就是Brad Pitt，那个本该让一切实现最后却没有的人。而我认为Marc Stein就是那一本八卦杂志。
22. Tony Parker
非常合理的合同（$3770w，2011年到期）对于一个已经证明了自己的人（A）可以成为一支冠军球队的三巨头之一（B）一位著名女星的上镜冠军丈夫。跑题一下：我消遣时候爱看的blogs之一www.luxist.com，上面会更新迈阿密，加利福尼亚和纽约的豪宅的挂牌和买卖（有许多价钱最近都跌的很厉害，这会非常有趣当你发现小贝将他的Malibu豪宅降价的同时，想象他在疯狂的写书换取现金）。他们有每一栋房子链接，图片和价钱而这能够很好地打发时间。就在最近，他们透露了Tony在圣安东尼奥的房子开始挂牌出售了。一个有门的庭院，超大的壁炉和游泳池，有马刺logo的半个场地。它的价钱？不到$90w！什么？Tony还没有搬进一座价值7位数的房子？或者住在圣安东尼奥就是这么便宜？我需要更多的信息。我想要是ESPN.com可以聘请一位豪华别墅专栏作家该多好。
最烂合同
联盟25大烂合同，仅供娱乐：
25. Zach Randolph, three years, $50m
24. Andrei Kirilenko, three years, $49.3m
23. Beno Udrih, five years, $33m
22. Erick Dampier, three years, $32.7m
21. Jermaine O'Neal, two years, $44.5m
20. Tracy McGrady, two years, $44.4m
19. Matt Carroll, five years, 18.4m
18. DeSagana Diop, five years, $31m
17. Kenny Thomas, two years, $16.5m
16. Bobby Simmons, two years, $20.5m
15. Troy Murphy, three years, $33.2m
14. Corey Maggette, five years, $50m
13. Andres Nocioni, four years, $30.1m
12. Ben Wallace, two years, $28.5m
11. Kenyon Martin, three years, 46.1m
10. Luke Walton, five years, $26.4m
9. Nazr Mohammed three years, $19.4m
8. Dan Gadzuric, three years, $20.3m
7. Marko Jaric, three years, $21.3m
6. Larry Hughes, two years, $26.5m
5. Jamaal Tinsley, three years, 21.5m
4. Baron Davis, five years, $60m
3. Eddy Curry, three years, $31.5m
2. Elton Brand, five years, $84m
1. Gilbert Arenas, six years, $111m
• Rank 'Em: The worst NBA contracts!
（什么，你没有读上面的话？你只要打开那个链接看看Tony的房子！我知道你这么做了！好了，别对着我点头了！）
21. Joe Johnson
作为一个得分手他的最佳表现出现在两个赛季前（场均25.0分, 47%投篮命中率），不过现在他的助攻数增加了，他在关键时刻更加可靠而他的球队在失去Josh Childress选秀得到Acie Law 的情况下直奔50胜而去。Joe Johnson，我为你感到骄傲。你让球队变得更好。
Group E: "基本没戏不会交换"
20. Al Jefferson
(摇头叹气.)
(我无意间看到他因伤赛季报销的消息然后连说了一连串的“不”。这让我晚上都没睡好觉。)
(他是我最喜爱的非凯尔特人球员，甚至没有人能够接近他。Durant排在第二位，Duncan第三，Ginobili第四，Brandon Roy第五...Sasha Vujacic 排在最后一位。)
（他很独特，史上脚步最好的低位球员正在教授这个孩子如何在篮下移动，同时他又拥有非常好的篮下爆发力——真不敢相信这一切。每当有人受伤都让人不爽，发生在这个场上场下都很成熟的孩子，在一个烂队拿不多的钱，没有帮手和老兵的指导独撑球队的男人身上，更加让人不爽。）
（用括号是因为我不想说这些。要知道，在上个礼拜的榜单中他可是排在第9位。）
19. Chris Bosh
今年的Pau Gasol：Bosh已经不高兴有一阵子了而且开始在比赛中流露出这样的情绪。我在十二月份去看过快船的比赛当时Bosh狂取31分却在脸上挂着严肃，痛苦，诡异，好像2006年KG一样的表情。这可不好。我把它叫做“我没想到如果我打算要第三个孩子那么我老婆还要再肥75磅”脸。这就是为什么到目前为止我只有2个孩子。等等，我是不是太大声了？
Chris McGrath/Getty Images
Pierce has turned his No. 10 snub into a Hall of Fame career. 14. Paul Pierce
13. Dirk Nowitzki
他们在各自的球队都呆了很久，留下了太多的记忆。另外，让我回顾下1998 选秀...记得那时候Pierce不可思议地一直到第10名才被选中。很少有哪届选秀的第9和第10位会是未来的名人堂成员，更不要提奥洛沃坎迪获得了状元（是状元！！！），北卡双雄文斯·卡特和安托万·贾米森进行了互换，诺维茨基的选秀权甚至是用（咽一下口水）“拖拉机”特雷勒换来的……Rashard Lewis 跌至No.31，而且98届选秀可以凑出一支最头疼先发五虎阵容来Bonzi Wells, Ricky Davis, Keon Clark, Rafer Alston 和 Jerome James. 你是不是也想再看看98年的选秀榜单了？反正我想了……
12. Deron Williams
一位犹他球迷这个礼拜给我来过一封邮件“我已经等不及你的交易价值专栏了，你已经好几个星期没有靠损Deron Williams来捧Chris Paul啦！”嗯，如你所见，我还是我....
11. Kevin Garnett
让我们把这一条加进“Tim Duncan比他得到的评价更加伟大”文件夹里吧：KG比Duncan只年轻了1个月。Garnett已经进行了1048场常规赛和73场季后赛；而Duncan在同一时间完成了873场常规赛，155场季后赛，以及128场大学比赛。用里程数作为比喻，Duncan可能完成了117，000英里，而KG是112，500英里。尽管叮当打的比赛比KG更多，但影响力也更大，因为他的效率没有降低……叮当甚至还没出现老化的趋势，稍后将有更详尽的描述”
Group C: "我很生气你居然会开口问？"
10. Derrick Rose
能够闯入top10是因为他潜力（不可限量），合同（四到五年都很便宜）和所在环境（糟透了的球队和教练）。正如我12月所说，芝加哥蹩脚的经营让他看起来就好像$300,000的Bentley停在$100,000的房门前。不过在我终于跟他有过交流后我也发现了一个问题：他缺少每一个伟大控球后卫所具有的口才和领导力。Rose让自己看起来就像大学球队的替补——从不开口，自闭，不想找麻烦。（我本打算把归结于他还是新秀，但是这同样也是他在Memphis的风格）。目前，尽管Allen，KG和Pierce三巨头掩盖了他的风采，Rondo经过新秀赛季同样的事情后已经渐渐找到自己的位置，因此我们还有希望。又有什么能够掩盖Rose锋芒的呢，这几年他都会在一大堆不断变化的年轻球员，糟糕交易和乱签自由人的球队中？你懂我的意思。我只是知道我曾经在新秀赛季对他观察的Chris Paul现在已经成为球队领袖。Rose让我感觉不到他也会这样，这让我感到一些紧张，虽然只有一点点。
9. Brandon Roy
也许有一天你会在总决赛中看到这个关键先生的精彩表演，现在Roy领导着的是一支好像1989年活塞有深度的另类球队。他在比赛最后关头具有杀手本色，而且有着和Duncan类似的领导能力。我很乐意说更多，不过到目前为止已经写了152，000这么多字了。
8. Kevin Durant
让我这么说吧：这个礼拜我很忙。我打算完成一本书。我完成了这个专栏。我的太太和女儿星期一夜里完成了旅行而我去接了她们。这个星期四我要飞到凤凰城，还要注意哪些交易将要悄悄进行。星期二晚上，我宁愿呆在家里写点东西而不是去斯坦普斯中心跟湖人球迷共度了3个小时。不过我还是去了。只有三支球队能够让我情愿从房间里走出来：小皇帝的骑士，我凯，Durant以及他的正太球队。只有他们。
（在你嘲笑我对于KD的推崇之前，先来看看他是怎样一个孩子，他四个月前刚刚满20岁，场均已经可以拿到29-8的数据，投篮命中率达到49-88-45，而这可并不是一部爱国电影。我的意思是，你可能已经厌倦了到处听到Durant的事情。不过再顺便说下，他在最近的12场比赛中场均出赛45.4分钟，砍下32.9分，抢到8.1个篮板，拿下了其中的6场胜利。如果你不相信我的话，那么这就是他的成绩单。然后拿这些数字去跟21岁第二年的LeBron，20岁第三个赛季的Kobe做下比较。嗯~你认为Durant出现在PIT节目（ESPN体育节目）的一段讨论中会是因为什么？在连续5场比赛中得到40+？我真的很好奇。他才20岁，还不到法定饮酒年龄。这一整段所描述的事情都让我感到崇拜。）
Group B: "别浪费咱们时间好么不行"
历史索引
最近六年的Bill Simmons“交易价值”专栏：
December 2007
July 2006
July 2005
June 2004
May 2003
April 2002 7. Yao Ming
他的不断进步让我决定暂时弃用"Yao Muresan"这个笑话。休斯顿除非可以得到名单下面的六个家伙之一否则不会交易他。一个小问题：Yao是这个世界上10大运动员之一，对么？那么这10大都应该包括哪些人呢？我最近为此跟别人争论过结果说实话很难说得明白——Yao和Tiger没有疑问，Beckham 和Fedderer 没有疑问，Phelps 当然，Thierry Henry 可能吧，也许还要有一个F1的家伙（我就不班门弄斧了），也许Kobe...然后呢...我是说...LeBron也算么？Brady 或者 （Payton）Manning？Nedal？其他的足球明星？还有网球女将？我们怎么能确定下来？我把这个问题抛给过不同的人而得到一大堆不一样的答案。也许根本就没有答案，真让我头疼。
3. Chris Paul 2. Dwight Howard
同样的类型一大一小：23岁早早成为球队核心，每个赛季都能拿下至少50胜的战绩，恐怖的数据统计，极好的队友，访问评价高，私下非常有趣，对球队作用极其重要...事实上，唯一的区别是Howard有个可以理解的弱点（罚球），而Paul，你只能在鸡蛋里头挑骨头比如，“容易被高大控卫强打”。我可喜欢他们这么说。
一封有趣的邮件来自Bowling Green, Ky的Jared：“最近，我看到关于Dwight Howard 的两个访问然后得出这样的结论——他便是现实世界中的Josh Baskin(一部描述孩子突然长大进入成人世界的电影)。我从没有见过这样好像四年级的23岁大男孩。我想如果这部电影要重新拍黑人版，Dwight就可以演Josh Baskin了。他完全符合那个角色。”这会是件好事情么，用我们的第2号最有交易价值球员去和混入大人世界里的孩子相比？我可不知道这到底好不好。）
1. LeBron James
去年2月，我曾经写过他让人看不到他的极限。今年？我可以大概描述出他的巅峰模样了，至少是到目前为止所能见的。24岁的年纪，他混合了ABA时代的Dr. J（无法阻挡，迅疾如风，能够以一记扣篮让队友和观众都为之惊呼，甚至在场下的形象也维持的很好），1992年的Scottie Pippen （攻防两端BT的运动能力，尤其是截断传球路线或者从弱侧突然杀出封盖），一点点的MJ（他的雄心壮志和好出风头），魔术师（无私，2003年的时候我不认为吾皇能变得无私，不过至少有那么一点点感觉了） 和Bo Jackson（如同他那样不时的用非人类的方式肆虐对手）...一旦像这样的燃烧瓶再拥有Karl Malone般的身体，那真是太刺激了，太令人抓狂了。这不同于我们所见过的任何类型。然而，LeBron还没有掌握可靠的20尺跳投和背身单打技术，这些是他唯一还需要做得更好的地方，不过目前的他已经是可遇而不可求了。
作为一个凯蜜，我对未来表示担忧。作为一个NBA球迷，未来令我感到振奋。
明年待续。 Bill Simmons is a columnist for Page 2 and ESPN The Magazine. For every Simmons column, as well as podcasts, videos, favorite links and more, check out the revamped Sports Guy's World.作者: sylk 時間: 2009-3-8 10:17 AM 標題: NBA trade value rankings, King James version
NBA trade value rankings, King James version
By Bill Simmons
Page 2
(Archive | Contact)
Updated: February 12, 2009
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See that YouTube clip embedded at right? A friend of mine passed along the link Monday. It's John Tesh performing on Catalina Island in 1997, only he's dressed like a waiter on a cruise ship and looks like a mutant James Van Der Beek. The clip starts with Tesh pontificating to the crowd, then playing a message that he left for himself with ... (wait for it) ... the original beats for the "NBA on NBC" music. I think he means to be ironic, but there's something non-ironic about his quest to be ironic. Again, he's dressed like a waiter on a cruise ship. And I thought the clip ended there, but no! At the 1:15 mark, Tesh starts emphatically dribbling an invisible basketball as the crowd applauds in rhythm -- you heard me, air dribbling -- then prances over to his real piano and bangs out the "NBA" song with a 25-person orchestra.
You know what happens next, my friends? Magic! That's what. Pay special attention to the violinist -- I'm definitely hiring him for my second and fourth weddings. I have watched this clip 23 times in the last 48 hours, and as soon as I hand in this column, I'm going for 24ths. I hereby bequeath John Tesh's Catalina clip as the official YouTube intro of America's favorite running column gimmick: "Who has the highest NBA Trade Value?"
I spent two solid work days researching this year's column; made a vague attempt to understand the parameters of PER before giving up; treated HoopsHype's salary Web site like Dirk Diggler treated Rollergirl (note: had to make the mandatory "Boogie Nights" reference early so we don't have to think about it); wrote three different drafts; bounced so many ideas and opinions off my buddy House that he decided he was my "Trade Value muse"; deliberated the question, "Who should be higher, Duncan or Wade?" longer than the Supreme Court deliberated on Roe vs. Wade; and took long enough to decide on a final list that two players (initials: K.D. and A.J.) moved a combined total of 26 spots between my first list and my last list.
THE RULES
A quick recap of the rules: 1. Salaries matter. Over this season and the next two, would you rather pay David West $27 million or Amare Stoudemire $43 million? 2. Age matters. Would you rather have Chauncey Billups for the next five seasons or Rajon Rondo for the next 12? 3. Pretend the league passed the following rule: For 24 hours, any player can be traded without cap ramifications but with luxury-tax ramifications. So if Team A tells Team B, "We'll trade you Player X for Player Y," would Team B make the deal? 4. Concentrate on degrees. Neither San Antonio nor Orlando would make a Howard-Duncan trade, but the Spurs would at least say, "Wow, Dwight Howard's available?" and have a meeting about it while the Magic would say, "There's no frickin' way we're trading Dwight Howard." That counts in the big scheme of things. 5. The list runs in reverse order (Nos. 40 to 1). So if Carmelo comes in at No. 16, players 1 through 15 are all players about whom the Nuggets would probably say, "We hate giving up 'Melo, but we definitely have to consider this deal." And they wouldn't trade him straight-up for any player listed between Nos. 17 and 50.
For a quick refresher of the rules, check the sidebar to the right. Here's a list of 2007-08 incumbents who couldn't crack either the 2009 list or honorable mention: Leandro Barbosa (No. 50 last year) is the sixth man of the "Mike D'Antoni's offense made me seem 38 percent better than I really am" All-Stars ... I'm a little over the Tayshaun Prince (44) thing ... Michael Redd (42) blew out his ACL and cemented Wisconsin's claim to "most depressing sports winter" ... Elton Brand (41) made an unforgettable leap from the "highest value" to "top-three worst contracts" list ... Tyson Chandler (40) has played like absolute dog crap and might be Exhibit A for the "Wait, are we sure the Hornets like Byron Scott?" debate ... Marcus Camby (38) might be the most bummed-out Clipper of all time (he always seems one dumb Al Thornton shot away from just walking off the court and never coming back) ... Rasheed Wallace (37) isn't as good as he used to be but doesn't realize it yet ... Allen Iverson (36) had a good run ... Chris Kaman (35) might have been kidnapped by Annie Wilkes ... Shawn Marion (33) was exposed Barbosa-style in Miami but remains a sensational defender ... Josh Howard (31) smoked away his spot ... Tracy McGrady (28) went south faster than Chris Brown's endorsement career ... Gilbert Arenas (27) is the new C-Webb (2004 franchise-murdering version) ... Baron Davis (15) forgot to take his jumper with him when he left Golden State ... Carlos Boozer (11) gets a "Trade Value DNP" because he's an injured free-agent-to-be and is definitely leaving Utah, so basically, I have no idea what to do with him.
See how many incumbents we lost? And you wondered why we downsized from 50 to 40. Our toughest 2009 omissions go from "not so tough" to "agonizingly tough." Monta Ellis: Let's add this to the collective bargaining agreement: If you crash a motorcycle or scooter after signing a big-money contract, every living NBA player from the 1940s, '50s and '60s gets to split your salary for one season. Andrea Bargnani: His ceiling? Memo Okur. Is this a good thing for the No. 1 overall pick of a 2007 draft that included LaMarcus Aldridge and Brandon Roy? Probably not. Rudy Gay and Rodney Stuckey: Either 1-2 or 2-1 for this year's "Most Overrated Young Player" Award. Although Trent from Royal Oak, Mich., makes a good point: "Stuckey was drafted with the pick acquired from Orlando (aka the Darko pick) and was the sole reason for the Chauncey trade. He's potential redemption for two horrific moves directly tied to Dumars. He ain't going nowhere." Good point. I'd put him higher if he played defense. Luol Deng: Signs of life lately. I caught the Bulls in person recently and it's astonishing that they aren't good or even half-decent. Of all the lousy coaching hirings recently (Terry Porter, P.J. Carlesimo, Michael Curry, Sam Vincent, Reggie Theus, Marc Iavaroni), what's funny is Vinny Del Negro was by far the worst. It's even scarier in person when you're sitting behind the Bulls' bench; I know a reader once compared Vinny's coaching to Shooter's taking over Hickory High that first time, but actually, it's more like watching an old person getting ready to go through a metal detector at an airport. Just complete confusion and panic and a lot of stopping and starting and glancing around. I feel bad even making fun of it. Let's just move on.
NBA TRADE MACHINE
Larry Hughes to Washington? Amare Stoudemire to Portland?
Make it all happen with the NBA Trade Machine.
• NBA Trade Machine
• Listranker: How does SportsNation size up Bill's top 40? J.J. Hickson: My favorite under-the-radar rookie and a legitimate 2009 Playoff X Factor. If he played for the Lakers, L.A. fans would be comparing him to a young Karl Malone right now. Paul Millsap: Would have cracked the top 30 if not for his expiring (and dirt-cheap) contract, which makes him a Trade Value DNP since he'd never get traded for soon-to-be-irrelevant reasons. Let's see what kind of contract he gets this summer. I love him for "four years, $32 million" ... not as much for "five years, $60 million." Jason Thompson: I mocked him on draft day and he shoved it in my face like a cream pie. Top-notch energy guy, good defender, lots to like. You know, if Michael Beasley wasn't such a colossal disappointment and semi-fraud, the 2008 draft could have ranked among the best ever (and certainly superior to the more ballyhooed '07 class). Maybe it's not loaded with Hall of Famers like the '84 or '98 drafts, but the list of rooks ranging from "definitely a future starter" to "future multiple All-Star" is abnormally high. Put it this way: That draft was so good that poor Alexis Ajinca stands out like Dan Aykroyd in the "We Are The World" video right now. He should switch jersey numbers to No. 32 so we can call him "32AA's." When I think of the worst possible bra size, I want to think of Alexis Ajinca. Jeff Green: Great teammate, tough as nails, gives a crap, does whatever you need. He's the anti-Beasley. What frightens me is that The Team That Shall Not Be Named somehow has become my favorite non-Boston team to watch. Love the Durant-Green-Westbrook foundation, love Scotty Brooks (who knew???), love the spirit of their crowds, love their style of play (attack off every miss, which is exactly how the Bulls should play). It continues to be cruel and unfair that this couldn't have happened in Seattle. Rudy Fernandez: Cheap contract, tons of skills and the female fans dig him. Although it's hard to evaluate the Trade Value of Portland players fairly, because Kevin Pritchard is delusionally convinced every Blazers' ceiling ranges from "Hall of Fame" to "One of the top 10 players of all-time." Pritchard always gives you the feeling that he calls Michael Lewis once a week trying to convince him to write a "Moneyball" type book about the NBA ... with Pritchard as the Billy Beane figure, of course. He's just about worked the last nerve of the other 29 GMs. And that's an understatement. I don't know, I kind of enjoy him. There's no question Jeremy Piven will play him in "Moneyball II: The Kevin Pritchard Story." None.
THE B.S. REPORT
Every year, before he finalizes the "Trade Value" list, Bill argues about the various candidates with his buddy Joe House.
Check out the debate on Bill's podcast. Eric Gordon: Every Clippers fan feels Gordon is like one of those kids from a bad family who has a ton of potential, but there's still an overwhelming chance that his parents (in this case, Donald Sterling and Mike Dunleavy) will screw him up. And actually, that's how this will probably play out. Ladies and gentlemen, your Los Angeles Clippers! Kevin Love: Bill Laimbeer 2.0 with better passing skills and without the Cobra Kai streak. You have to love a country where Love's best rookie card (Upper Deck's '09 SPX set, the signed autographed jersey card) goes for one-eighth the money of Beasley's card ... and yet, Miami could offer Beasley for Love right now and Minnesota would make a face and hang up. Whatever. Russell Westbrook: The rookie MVP of the Table Team for guys who bring a ton of stuff to the table, but also take a fair share of stuff off it ... but still, he wins you over in the end. I like him. He is definitely not a point guard. This much we know. I'd like to be the chairman of the "Is He A Point Guard Or Not?" Committee. I have a rare talent for quickly spotting breast implants, dentures, bad toupees and shooting guards masquerading as point guards. Jameer Nelson: The toughest omission. With that contract (five years, $33 million), he easily would have made the cut if he wasn't out with a shoulder (copyright: Al Michaels).
OK, let's get to the top 40. But before we do, allow me a little air dribbling first.
(Slamming my hand down emphatically on an invisible basketball.)
(Still doing it.)
(Still doing it.)
(You fired up yet? You feeling it? YOU FEELING IT?????)
BEST DEALS
The 16 most cap-appealing NBA contracts that aren't rookie deals:
16. Carl Landry, three years, $9m
15. Jameer Nelson, five years, $33.6m
14. John Salmons, three years, $16.3m
13. Travis Outlaw, two years, $8m
12. Kendrick Perkins, three years, $12.8m
11. Udonis Haslem, two years, $13.7m
10. Marcus Camby, two years, $15.6-$20m
9. Roger Mason, two years, $7.3m
8. Ron Artest: one year, $8.45m
7. Mehmet Okur, one year, $8.5m
6. Luis Scola, two years, $6.5m
5. Caron Butler, three years, $30.3m
4. Devin Harris, four years, $36m
3. Manu Ginobili, two years, $20.6m
2. David West, three years, $27.2m
1. Hedo Turkoglu, one year, $6.84m
All right, let's get this party started ... Group K: "Ridiculous For You And For Us"
40. Chauncey Billups
Remains the same "slightly past-his-prime, slightly overpaid and genuinely overrated crunch-time" guy; it's just that he got traded to one of the most selfish, me-first, rudderless playoff teams in recent memory. Now he's getting the credit for Denver's "turnaround" with nobody mentioning the other factors (Carmelo is a better all-around player, Nene has been shockingly effective, the Nuggets' bench is better, the pieces complement each other, etc.). Here's my theory: Denver was like a post-college buddy who had a horrendous girlfriend, finally broke up with her, then married the next cute girl who liked him. Does that mean he married poorly? Not necessarily. She might have been perfect. But deep down, we all knew he was so ecstatic to be away from the previous witch that he would have fallen head over heels for anyone. So that's what Chauncey turned out to be for the Nuggets -- the pleasant follow-up girlfriend to the nightmare witch. If Denver had swapped Iverson for Kidd, the same "turnaround" would have happened. I am convinced. 39. Hedo Turkoglu
His last season of being the "underrated and underpaid go-to guy on a contender." I actually thought he was better last season than this season, but whatever. Check out the '02 Kings again, an entertaining team that never ended up winning the title but secured a place in our hearts (as well as the All-Ugly Hall of Fame). Back in 2002, did you ever think Hedo would be their most relevant player from 2007-09? In a million years? 38. Devin Harris
Hey, TNT, here's a list of "people to show after every basket Harris scores in the 2009 All-Star Game" (in descending order from "most funny" to "not funny"): Mark Cuban, Jason Kidd, Ric Bucher, Avery Johnson, Dirk Nowitzki, Mark Cuban a second time, Marc Stein, Dikembe Mutombo, the stars from "Trust Me," Mark Cuban a third time, Holly Hunter, Marc Stein a second time, Matthew Lillard, John Havlicek. 37. Andris Biedrins
Shopped a little too vigorously by Don Nelson lately for my liking. Does Nellie realize Biedrins doesn't turn 23 until April? (As opposed to Yi Jianlian, who turns 33?) This remains the most logical match for Amare if Biedrins' base-year deal didn't screw up any Trade Machine scenario. So Amare, you don't like playing defense? Good news! You have something in common with the rest of my starting five! Which reminds me... Group J: "Everything Must Go! Everything Must Go!"
36. Amare Stoudemire
Bruce in Phoenix recently begged me, "Can you hold off on the Trade Value column until some GM is dumb enough to offer us too much for Amare? I don't want them to know that he sucks now!" Hey, Bruce? I think they know. Why do you think you're getting so many pu-pu platter offers? It would help if Amare grabbed a rebound or switched correctly on a high screen more than twice per quarter. I still say the Amare era is salvageable -- stick the kid on a team with a good point guard (Chicago?), tell him to just worry about putting the biscuit in the basket (New York? G-State?), or trade for him and say, "We love you, you're our franchise guy" (Sacramento? Memphis? Indiana?) and I think he'd start slapping up 29-9s again. With a smile on his face. Group I: "Cost-Effective Building Blocks"
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Wendi Kaminski/NBAE/Getty Images
Lee's low salary means he will basically hustle for food. 35. David Lee
The latest D'Antoni salary bumpee is averaging a 20-13 with 56 percent shooting since New Year's. Yeah, he's a lousy defender ... but should we really pick nits when he's on the books for $1.76 million this season and $2.68 million next? The Knicks have settled sexual harassment suits for three times that much. (No, seriously. They have. It wasn't a joke.) By the way, he's one of only two American white guys to crack the top 40. 34. Brook Lopez
And here's the other. That has to rank among Brook's career highlights, right up there with making the Elite Eight, getting drafted in the lottery and beating his brother two months ago in a "Who can bounce higher on a king-sized bed without spilling an ice cream sundae?" contest at The Plaza Hotel. 33. O.J. Mayo
Here's a gifted kid who could have become a Pippen-like defender with 3-point range, only he's developing losing habits and reprehensible shot selection as The Man on a hopeless lottery team. The shame of all shames is Miami could have just taken him at No. 2 -- Riley even wanted to, but he couldn't summon the requisite testicular fortitude -- and the Juice would have ended up as the Pippen to Wade's MJ. Instead, he's hoisting up bad 3s as Marc Gasol curses under his breath in Spanish and Gay looks like he's thinking to himself, "The next time I get the ball, it's going up and I don't care if I'm trapped in the corner with three guys on me." As Michael Corleone screamed after the Joey Zaza assassination, "This is not ... WHAT I WANTED!" (Wait a second, did I just quote "Godfather III?" I'm clearly running out of movies and need to retire soon.) I knocked him down to No. 33 even though he's talented and can't be blamed for what's happening. 32. Al Horford
31. LaMarcus Aldridge
Quality young forwards with great contracts on winning teams. But you never know about the young'uns. Take it from the guy who once proclaimed that young Amare Stoudemire was the second coming of Moses Malone. Group H: "You'll Have To Bowl Us Over, But We're Listening"
30. Kevin Martin
Seems a little high until you remember he's averaging 27 a game with 46 percent shooting on 3s since New Year's. Wouldn't you try to pry him from the Maloofs right now? If I'm Houston's Daryl Morey during the All-Star break, I'm buying Patron shots for the Maloofs until 3 a.m. Sunday, then offering them T-Mac and a 2009 No. 1 for Martin and Kenny Thomas' deal that expires in 2010. Then again, Daryl went to MIT -- he probably couldn't do three shots without passing out or giving away Luis Scola straight up for Channing Frye. Bad plan.
Speaking of Kenny, did anyone see the irony of the Kings' retiring C-Webb's number last weekend even though his lavish extension genuinely murdered their franchise for the last six years of this decade? Continuing the girlfriend analogies, the poor Kings were like a buddy who had the greatest, most life-altering girlfriend for five years ... right until she gained 30 pounds, gave him VD (in this case, Kenny's unwieldy contract) and left him relatively destitute until 2010. But seriously, thanks for the memories, C-Webb! This is your night! 29. Caron Butler
Just like Martin, an enticing piece for a contender ... and really, for us as well, because warriors like Tuff Juice should be in the playoffs every year. Three ideas from the Picasso of the Trade Machine: Butler to Houston for Luis Scola, Shane Battier and a 2011 No. 1; Butler, Juan Dixon and Darius Songaila's crappy contract to Atlanta for Marvin Williams, Speedy Claxton's not-quite-as-crappy contract, Acie Law and a future No. 1; and Butler plus Etan Thomas' crappy contract to Portland for Travis Outlaw, Raef LaFrentz's Expiring Contract (you knew it was coming) and all the insurance money that comes with Raef's Expiring Contract.
(Important note: My hopes for a logical Butler trade might be unrealistic since you can obtain a free "Fire Ernie [Grunfeld]" T-shirt simply by e-mailing a dude at ErnieGone@Hotmail.com. I'm not making this up. When some random fan is giving away FREE T-shirts to get his GM fired, you know something has gone horribly wrong.)
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Scott Cunningham/NBAE/Getty Images
Josh's love affair with 3-pointers is pretty one-sided. 28. Josh Smith
Tailed off less than expected after inking that worrisome $58 million extension ... although he's the captain of the 2009 "Why The Hell Are You Shooting 3s?" All-Stars, missing 41 of 54 this season (24 percent) and missing 324-for-438 for his career (26 percent).
Flash: http://www.youtube.com/v/V_h7Lm7C9Nk&hl=en&fs=1 
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